I had a dream last night that our family was out at some kind of local festival where the attraction was an opportunity to ride in a plane. I was standing in line, waiting for Chris and CJ to be finished with their plane ride. As they got off, CJ was flapping his hands, prancing around and laughing with so much joy, the way he does when he is really happy. He'd loved it. Chris said that he'd loved it while they were up in the air. Seeing that kind of joy in him is like a drug to me. I always want more of it. So, I asked, "CJ!!! Do you want to go again? Do you want me to take you up, up, UP in the plane?"
He continued laughing and I could tell he was excited as he relayed a simple, "Yes."
So I said,"Okay! Let's do it! Let's go! I will take you!"
The only hidden apprehension I was feeling was HOW I was going to do this. I was offering this to him, not even thinking about the
how. Because, in my dream, I had to be the one to fly the plane. It was a small biplane, but I was expected to know how to fly it. Of course, I knew that something as simple as not knowing HOW to fly the plane wasn't going to stop me from trying. That smile on CJ's face meant that I was going to learn real quick.
We got into the plane and I'd managed to somehow get it going. As we were getting ready for take off, or I should say, as I was trying to figure out HOW to take off, the picture in my mind of us flying up in the air with the freest smile on CJ's face drove me. I was determined. I was determined to give that to him.
And before we could take off, I woke up. But, the vision that I had of us flying high in the air and the look on his face stuck with me.
That is what it feels like all the time, I thought.
That dream was such a simple dream but spoke volumes. We all want what is best for our children and most of us are trying to figure it out as we go along. We all want to see them happy. But it comes with many ups, many downs, lots of loops and so many take offs and landings. But oh how we just want to see them well and happy. That is our goal, that is what
drives us.
But you know what? Even with the highs and lows, the ups and downs, we cannot forget about the ride. The in between moments. The moments of figuring it out and fighting for it. Of not giving up, knowing that there is a possibility of crashing and burning. Knowing that there is also the possibility of flying high, flying low or maybe even just barely getting off the ground, just high enough to practice landing safely. Or maybe even the possibility of flying higher even if it meant a rougher landing. Whatever the outcome, we still go for it. We go for it because of hope and because of possibilities. We fight for it because of that smile that makes our hearts soar.
In the end, it's all worth it. Every bit of it, because we tried.
